Poetry Octoberfest

 

There are moments that you just want to freeze time.

And froze time, I did, by taking this picture.

What's amazing about it is that,

it was a wonderful, warm and sunny afternoon.

 

The Burj Khalifa is the highest architectural structure in the world.

Nobody knows until when.

But for the meantime, I wish to get inside,

just to get a marvelous point of view of the outside

from 2000 feet up.

 

 

The Oriental in me will always crave,

even for a classy, once in a blue moon dinner,

something eaten with chopsticks,

and something sweet and sour.

(Noodle Factory)

 

 However we have managed to get our own photographs, 

we still suffer of getting heads chopped.

For all six years have we not thought of,

getting a tripod of some sort? 

We have to live with the two sides of things.

I always have been quite transparent with how my life goes on. I don't tend to editorialize what I don't need to editorialize. Maybe this is because, after a long time of believing in fairy tale lives some people make others believe they have, I have come to realize that our lives really aren't as complicated as we think. Sure, most of us have had ups and downs, but out of roughly 31% percent of cancer stricken people in the whole world, or the almost 50% of people on the planet who thrive only on Php 112.50 ($2.50) or even less, who are we to say that life is hard?

However, I wasn't on the verge of making readers feel bad as they go about sipping their mocha frappucinos and writing in coffee shops like me. I just had to get a feeling out of my chest, as well as an ideal that has written itself, in my litany of ideals;

A decision one makes, even for the sake of happiness, will still have sprinklings of sadness. Because, that is the how things are meant to be. Otherwise, life would be mundane, and probably not worth living.

I have figured this, while looking out the balcony and contemplating on some things. I have actually fallen to the fairy tale trap, thinking that "happily ever after" is never going to be tainted with tears, with disappointments, with bitterness. And that is because, after all those tales and movies, I tried to relate my real life to the reel life, which are worlds apart! Music does not play when my beloved and I kiss, and I don't necessarily cry from behind a door when we fight, all for a good reason: this is the truth! Fairy tales and romance movies tend to bend over backwards in sugaring every scene, resulting in girls who think that their lives and the life of Meg Ryan in the City of Angels, may somewhat be the same. Life is only as complicated as we allow it to be, and the more we idealize that someday a frog might turn into a handsome prince, the more we will be disappointed that the thing we have puckered our lips for, will remain a slimy frog.

I'm not a cynic however, I don't close my mind into possibilities that they might someday discover a miracle cure-all or come up with food supplies that outweigh the hunger and famine in Somalia. I just think that, in order for us to overcome our daily lives, we must first accept the truths about victory and defeat, and live with that. The truth about things that take time to reap good results and perseverance amidst despair. I think that the best things emerge where there is balance of good and bad. If you have lived in one full year of sadness, followed by a year of happiness, then you know the balance happens in you.

It has happened to me, and that is why I believe.

HOPE

How I feel like I live again
After a rush of new words
Suddenly I’m inspired
By the pictures I drew
I am fresh, feverish
For once I live again
The art is alive
It is still with me
I love and I live
That’s all I need to do
I need not experience heartbreak
As much as I thought I need to

I just need to realize
That there’s so much beauty about
Being happy, not sober
And living out the day
Like there’s no tomorrow
That beneath every sad face
Is a heart that can rejoice
That it can live
We are the ones to choose
The operative word is how

This is me
Seeing the beauty of all else I can do
So different now that the inspiration
I thought I could only draw
From every falling tear
Could also be found in every laugh
And all the great photographs
That despite the depression seemingly
Unendlessly embracing our daily toll
Hope lives on
When all things have flown away.

Pet names

Surrounded by beds
white sheets
beds beside beds
here on the dancefloor

I lie on one side
you on the other
we speak of silly things
like flavored potted meat

Why can't you lie next to me?
But you already say no
I cheat already with you
as a projection in my brain

And yet I cannot have you
lie next to me, even in dreams
It is almost as I refused myself
A sin nobody will find out

Career woman!

During my recent job interview, I had a question from my employer that veered me into making this entry. Of course, in making my resume, I included my past work experiences (which were rather misaligned) and added during my conversation with them that I had been a frustrated writer all my life. Sum up all of that and you get "Well, what is it that you really see getting yourself into?"

For the record, I put in a list of ten, my obvious and not-so-obvious career choices.

1.) Flight Attendant - merely stating the obvious, I enrolled for a degree in Tourism back in college just to be a cabin crew member. I remember when I was young, my parents' friends would come over to the house for dinner, and would always comment how tall I was for a kid my age and that I should be a flight stewardess someday. It doesn't take an expert to tell that the influence of adults on those years are like brands on cattle. You carry it all your life and your philosophies are ruled by it from then on. I did become flight attendant, and might I tell you that it is not just height they are looking for in the airline industry. They like teeth so much too. Oh, and big voices as well. Still, flying would still be in my top choices. Once a cabin crew, always a cabin crew.

2.) A writer - I did take the entrance test to get into the University of the Philippines, and my first choice was Journalism. I started scribbling my first poems in grade school and although I had written a lot in high school, I never had the nerve to have my writings published in the high school paper. I wanted to take writing up in college but needless to say, I failed my test with UP. (I skipped through the whole math test, I have a major dislike for numbers) Even so, I did take writing more seriously and got into writing for the college paper. After I graduated, I wrote for my companies' official publication and started this blog. I always wonder how it would have been, had I been able to pass my entrance exam and graduated Major in Journalism. I might have been the true to life Carrie Bradshaw.

3.) Fashion designer - Alongside my poetry notebooks, I kept a stack of drawing notebooks where I drew girls in fancy dresses. I started drawing my wedding dress when I was 7 or 8, and I haven't stopped eversince. I didn't think at that age though, that one could make a living out of designing clothes, for a child's known list of professions is limited to doctor, nurse, teacher, fireman and astronaut. My best friend in my elementary years (she was one of the richie rich girls in class) however, remembering my notebookfull of grade school haute couture, came over to my house one day and asked me to design a line of evening gowns for her 18th birthday. It wasn't my most glamorous, but it worked for her anyway! Sometimes I wish I paid more attention to my MOD magazines and AVON catalogues. Maybe they were then calling out for me to sit in line someday with the likes of Rajo Laurel.

4.) Architect/ Engineer - had I been born with a brain inclined to mathematical equations I would have taken up architecture or industrial engineering, but yup, I am just a big math blunder. But there was something about Legos that I just can't seem to shake off. I fell in love with drafting in high school and that too, gave me a hint that I might actually be fitting to be designing, in a different aspect, that is in line with interior design, architecture or industrial engineering. One may not believe it, I actually have "blueprints" for my dream houses together with my wedding gown designs.

5.) Painter/ Photographer - who in their sane minds would not adore a profession, that of a painter? It must be the most rewarding,yet effortless (I mean to say that, if one loves his job, then no work really is an effort) occupation in the world. Imagine just sitting down in front of a canvass and rendering whatever it is that inspires you at that moment, caring less about how paint smears your work clothes, because everybody understands what you do. And for sure,someone out there can relate to your work of art, and be willing to pay a price. (Given of course, you don't die first before your work gets recognized) Still! To be able to live off artistry, must be very enlightening to the soul. My paintings and photographs have yet to reach public eye, but for me to have done such nice pieces long ago and to earn praise of the few people who have seen it, is good enough reward for me. (I have an album of my works here in this blogsite.)

6.) Broadcast journalist - for as long as I can remember, I always read in the bathroom. And when I was younger, I would bring with me a copy of Tempo (it was the only English tabloid back in the 90's) and read aloud the news, in a very Angelique Lazo fashion. I don't know why my parents took no notice of this and never suggested I become a broadcaster. Maybe because when I was in grade school, I was a rather shy and timid girl, and was never aggresive. I actually still didn't speak my mind a lot in high school, but I knew I had perfect diction and I didn't "uh" or "ah" in between sentences. I put this in my list in remembrance of that little girl broadcasting live from the toilet. She could've done a great job.

7.) Opera singer - not just a singer, but an opera singer. And if I let myself,it may never be too late for me. I was quite of a dancer in my elementary and high school years, but I don't know what has become of my dancing talent eversince. I guess it never is too late to grow two left feet. I, however, took a fancy for singing in college and although I've been asked to sing pop and alternative songs in numerous occasions, I have had a secret desire to sing in an opera or in a broadway musical. My voice, on the other hand, is not educated, but it never hinders me from trying to sing Habanera from Carmen, when I am cooking or in the shower. 

8.) Basketball player - it must sound funny coming from me, but I have always been a basketball fanatic. Back when Alaska versus Ginebra were the fad, I fancied not on the hunky players, but on the sport itself. I love basketball, but apparently it has no liking of me. But then again, maybe all I need is a Milo Summer Sports camp experience.

9.) Firewoman - the closest to humane service and heroism I can ever get. To be able to save lives and property is job that is enough to earn your place in heaven.

Pencil Sketch

 

I have made a pencil sketch of only one person in my whole life, and it wasn't Johnny Depp. The following tries have all been futile for me, and I've stopped trying altogether. There are people, however, like my classmate from elementary Barby Pornea, who seemed to have little trouble copying peoples' faces to paper. This version of Johnny Depp is one of the best I've ever seen.

The man versus man conflict

I have wondered how long I would delay publishing this new blog.

The major problem with me and my expression of art is that I never let the art speak for itself. It maybe because I have not yet learned how to be very confident with my writing style, that I tend to wrap it up in artistic backgrounds and background music. It may also be because I have always, always been keen in making combo meals of things, the ultimate package, an all-in-one experience.

Whatever it is, I think I will be a little kind to myself and spare me the sleepless nights trying to figure out HTML. I will however, try to put more sketches (I have an awful lot) and pictures. In that way, everything here is still a combo meal; a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

And so, today is Day 1. Just how many days it will take for me to finally battle myself from being notoriously creative, I will just have to keep tabs.