Flying Random Thoughts Entry No.2

I've never had anyone lecture me about writing as much as "Mr. Too-Much" has, one time during a flight to Colombo.

"If man becomes content on where he is, he stops evolving. It is human nature for man to be discontented with what he has, and to always strive for change. If you really want change, go look for what you want. Don't even look at the money or luxuries involved, but instead look for change for the sole purpose of your evolution. That is when you might truly be happy."

The next day, I had to drag my friend Steve to the nearest Carrefour to buy the latest classifieds. If only I could convince people this forcefully, I wouldn't go around as much begging people to believe me that I have good sense in writing. Anyway, I  did find advertisements and I've actually replied to two. To date I haven't got replies, but then again, I really am not the one time big time type. I've concurred over the past years that I do have to endure a lot of "no's" before I get a "yes", and it's usually when it seems insanely impossible. That means maybe, when I am supposedly buried then under tons of classifieds, I might find a single clause that would bring me a notch up my personal evolution.

And with my stubborn, evil self grinning at the background, this is what I aim to do.

picture + thoughts

Something new

My husband isn't home for the night, and instead of lavishing my solitude under the duvet without competing for space and silence, I decide to settle for the comfort of my sofa bed in the living room. For a change, and for an extended effort to write, I commit this night with the laptop, and possibly anything alcoholic, in the hopes that it might conjure anything poetic from me.

When I realized my passion in writing, I tried to go about how I saw writers did their thing. I was willing to try anything new that time; writing in Starbucks, writing in the library, getting drunk and trying to write (which was difficult) and smoking while writing. My parents were against it of course, especially my father who managed to dodge the habit,while being the only person in his job department who doesn't smoke. The rebellion at that time when I was just fresh from highschool was inspiring, especially from me who wasn't the type to actually rebel. But it was something new, and although cigarettes really did taste quite awful, it liberated me at some level that I wrote some of my best pieces during those periods. (I've quit the habit in honor of my father and my health.)

I've done so many new things, in fact so many they remain new. What I mean is they never grow old with me, because I can't seem to focus on them. Engaging in new things is always good, but now it has come upon me that I should try to make these "new" things, especially the ones that I really like, stick me with me because they are beneficial.

Here are some new things I've had over the past 2 weeks:

1. Walked around the park one time, by myself for an hour (good cardio and the music I had playing was refreshing!)
2. Did weights everyday for a week
3. Writing more in my blog and tweeting more, rather than Facebook-ing.
4. Spent some time with a girlfriend for some serious shopping and girl time.
5. Had wine and cheese with girlfriends, talking about our boys.
6.Colored my hair by myself.

Having listed that down, I maybe should do numbers 1 and 2 on a regular basis! New things should really be made into good habits, and should not remain a once in blue moon idea. And to be really honest, the shopping time I spent with my good friend Luisa uplifted my spirits to a level I have almost forgotten! It's like when a laptop or a mobile phone needs to get updated, we also need to get an extra "app" every now and then to make our lives more exciting! After which, we then keep the apps that will prove helpful to us in the long run.

My next something new on the list is to get an online writing course, to help me enhance my writing. I sure hope it doesn't remain a fleeting idea, though.

Screaming Secrets

I am a no-good gossip monger.

For one, I know how it feels like to be talked about behind your back. My earliest recollection was when my youngest sister was born and people talked about how I wasn't around much before she came (my school is far from our town and I had to get out early and return late to avoid traffic), and how the new baby is mine and we were just pretending that she was my sister. I was 15 then.

When my mom lost her job, there was so much of these nasty stories as well. I saw how it upset my mother so much, that I developed an aversion to opening up to people because I was afraid they were going to use all this information against me when I am at my worst. I got over the fear eventually, but even though I have really close friends who know the most trivial things about me, I unintentionally was able to keep them to a comfortable number. A lot of people may have thought of my aloofness as of being self-absorbed, but it worked for me for some time and has protected me from a lot of hurt.

Apparently though for people, they seem to enjoy casting their scandals into the wind and do not care so much how these things can fall into the hands of other people who also haven't got better things to do. There's no point in asking someone to keep a secret for you when you have told the whole town about it!

I'm just saying that the world is full of can-opener people. If cans were alive and had feelings, imagine how excruciating it is to be turned around while being forcefully pried open, and expose your guts for everyone to see. How easy it is for people to expose you, when you're just like a spanish sardine bottle. It's alright I guess to be transparent sometimes, but to be outrageously "out there", well, let's say some people deserve to be talked about in the first place. People like me who dislike all these drama, would tend to steer away from all the floating "chismes" at any given time, but often it just screams down your ear canal and thus, blogs like these.

It's really either a secret only the both of us know, or a secret which everybody knows. Sometimes, I wish people think it over more.

Facing me

I've been a writer since I started out in highschool. I've only been published (and paid for) when I got into college, and I was able to publish some more even when I was working with my previous companies. It was only last year that I decided that I want to write a book, and it's only the other day that I have actually started out with the first few sentences.

My journey into writing has taken me a decade.

I am now 26, and have finally decided that I can't wait till I'm 36 to finish the book I have started.

Flying Random Thoughts Entry no. 1

Since I won't be able to give up flying altogether for writing, I might as well pick up the best things I've heard my flight colleagues, and write about it.

For my first ever, I quote my recent senior whom I'll refer to as Himitsu-chan.

"We've all had choices to make."

And I agree. I've just married the only guy who hasn't faltered with his devotion for me for all of 7 years. I could've, at any point before our wedding day chosen to just drop it, but I went on ahead and said "I do". I wouldn't say I was teeming with other choices, but the fact remains that I could've done something else. I could for example, get lost in Kathmandu and never get to be heard of again. Well, I guess I'm just saying. Yet, I chose my husband, as he chose me and here we are in our cozy apartment playing family with my stuffed turtle until we finally get real ones( kids, I mean.)

It might have been different, 7 years ago, if I had chosen to go down a different road. I might have been happier, or I might be drowning in sorrow. But I've made choices. It might not have lead me to where I intended to have gone to, nonetheless it landed me where I needed to go.

A new possibility

I just had an epiphany while browsing through Facebook.

One of my college friends who posted an album in my wedding's honor, also has quoted me and at the same time, reiterated to me, the desires of my subconscious. I still am amazed at how her simple gesture of remembering the one-time affair also served to me as the sign I've been asking for the longest time.

And now that the ever so-elusive Cheshire Cat has grinned on me, I might as well go down the road to which He points, and start having tea with my newfound dream.

We have to live with the two sides of things.

I always have been quite transparent with how my life goes on. I don't tend to editorialize what I don't need to editorialize. Maybe this is because, after a long time of believing in fairy tale lives some people make others believe they have, I have come to realize that our lives really aren't as complicated as we think. Sure, most of us have had ups and downs, but out of roughly 31% percent of cancer stricken people in the whole world, or the almost 50% of people on the planet who thrive only on Php 112.50 ($2.50) or even less, who are we to say that life is hard?

However, I wasn't on the verge of making readers feel bad as they go about sipping their mocha frappucinos and writing in coffee shops like me. I just had to get a feeling out of my chest, as well as an ideal that has written itself, in my litany of ideals;

A decision one makes, even for the sake of happiness, will still have sprinklings of sadness. Because, that is the how things are meant to be. Otherwise, life would be mundane, and probably not worth living.

I have figured this, while looking out the balcony and contemplating on some things. I have actually fallen to the fairy tale trap, thinking that "happily ever after" is never going to be tainted with tears, with disappointments, with bitterness. And that is because, after all those tales and movies, I tried to relate my real life to the reel life, which are worlds apart! Music does not play when my beloved and I kiss, and I don't necessarily cry from behind a door when we fight, all for a good reason: this is the truth! Fairy tales and romance movies tend to bend over backwards in sugaring every scene, resulting in girls who think that their lives and the life of Meg Ryan in the City of Angels, may somewhat be the same. Life is only as complicated as we allow it to be, and the more we idealize that someday a frog might turn into a handsome prince, the more we will be disappointed that the thing we have puckered our lips for, will remain a slimy frog.

I'm not a cynic however, I don't close my mind into possibilities that they might someday discover a miracle cure-all or come up with food supplies that outweigh the hunger and famine in Somalia. I just think that, in order for us to overcome our daily lives, we must first accept the truths about victory and defeat, and live with that. The truth about things that take time to reap good results and perseverance amidst despair. I think that the best things emerge where there is balance of good and bad. If you have lived in one full year of sadness, followed by a year of happiness, then you know the balance happens in you.

It has happened to me, and that is why I believe.